Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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