I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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