Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
