Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
