My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
