he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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