she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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