I accidentally had phone sex last night
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
