maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
