I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
