I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
