you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
