just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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