I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish you could order shots online.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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