That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
