god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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