I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
