I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
