I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
