I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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