im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
