I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
