I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
