dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
how does that bad decision feel?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
