Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
