You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
