YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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