My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
