I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
