why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
