you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
