We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
