i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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