When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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