I am puke
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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