Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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