I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I want to have your abortion
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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