I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Of course I have a pirate flag
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
