You're my little dorito
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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