I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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