In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
