i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
