Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
