3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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