I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
