Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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