I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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