You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
