Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
