Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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